Serving "I"

I often long for solitude and silence
yet I run from these very things.
I want to be transparent
but cloak myself in and Ebony Shroud.
I want to be known,
and I remain closed to anyone who looks.
I want to hurt no one
yet I leave the beaches of normandy behind me
I want to be respected
but it is only to fuel my pride
I want to know grace
and I constantly try to pay for it.

who am I?